Why Are You Being Your Best?
For the Teacher
In fifth grade, I won second place in the school spelling bee and received a trophy. I was so excited to show my Dad. Beaming with pride, I ran to him after school with the trophy in hand. “Dad! Dad! I won second place in the spelling bee!”
“How come you didn’t win first place?”, he asked.
Not exactly the response I was expecting, I answered, “A sixth grader won first place.”
“Ok. That’s ok then. Good job.”
Ah, the joys of growing up with hard-ass Asian parents.
I told the story once and my friend said I should have answered, “I spelled ‘encouragement’ wrong”…
As we were growing up, we wanted to show our parents, teachers and coaches that we were capable; that we were competent enough to do a good job. It was important to me to be accepted and liked. In time, this extends to our peers, and later on to the girls or guys we take an interest in. At work we try to show our bosses that we’re worthy of a raise and a more prestigious title.
Often, this desire for acceptance and acknowledgment from others is so overpowering that we lose sight of what we really want. Â It’s like trying to plug the drain in a bathtub by filling it with water. Yes, for a while, that hole is plugged. Yet, all the while, the effect of the “plug” is slowing draining away.
Down the Drain
The very nature of wanting validation from others has a feedback loop that keeps a person looking for more validation. It’s hard to pull yourself out of this cycle, especially when there really isn’t a compelling consequence for continuing on this loop.
On the rare occasion, there will be a compelling enough consequence to break someone out of this cycle. The water bill for a few hundred dollars is overdue and you’re currently in between jobs. Yikes!
Under these “fortunate” circumstances when a break in the cycle offers a moment of clarity, one might be so lucky as to see that there was never a need to try and plug the hole. The hole was there the entire time for a purpose.
In that moment of clarity, a shift could happen where a person realizes that they are the source of their own happiness. More specifically, their mindset and perspectives are the source of their own happiness.
Now, the motivation shifts from being external, looking for validation and approval from others, to being internal, doing the right things because they are the right things to do. Experiencing satisfaction comes from knowing that you did your best, you broke through fear and accomplished something, or you stood for something you knew was right in spite of criticism.
The aim is to achieving knowing through experience. It’s a very empowered mental space when our actions are performed as a personal choice to do what is right.
Within each of us there is greatness waiting to be expressed ans shared. It’s time to get our egos and false perceptions out of the way so our greatest can be brought out into the world!
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Shape Your Life by Realizing This One Thing…
You own and create all the experiences you have!
“Well of course we do!”, you might be thinking. The trick however, is to own it at every moment, in every situation, whether results are desirable or undesirable.
When we only claim responsibility for the desirable outcomes and say that the undesirable outcomes aren’t our fault, we aren’t being fully powerful. We aren’t owning it 100%.
We smile at someone, and they’ll usually smile back. We put things off, and it nags at us and ends up costing more than it would have if we took care of it right away.
There may be only be brief moments throughout the day where we are conscious of it. Yet, us creating our experience never takes a break, it happens constantly.
Whether it is simply allowed to happen or whether the process is purposeful and directed, we are constantly creating what we experience in life everyday; no fail.
Define and Write Down, How You Want to Experience Life
“I wish I was ______”. “I’d rather be _______”.  You fill in the blank. A perfect life absolutely exists for every single one of us, on our terms, as it matters to us. Â
What would life look like so that you loved waking up every morning and going out and doing what you do? How would your relationships be?
How would you feel if everything in your life was perfect, as perfect is defined by you?
The first step to realizing this perfect life is to write down what perfect is and write down what perfect looks like to you. It is the first hill to trek in the process of making it real.
When you write down your ideal outcome, you show yourself in a powerful and instant way that something you think can become reality; namely the thought “I will write down my ideal outcome” turns into the real result of having it written down on paper.
This is the first step in turning “hope”, “belief”, and “faith” into knowing!
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Confusion is the Clearest Way to Knowing Clarity
LAX Freeways - Confusing Paths
Being confused and not knowing what’s going can be frustrating and irritating.
Starting at a new job, navigating your way through a relationship, or starting on a project where you just don’t know where to start.
I worked a couple of days in college at this one Ristorante Something where they served wine. I drank beer and shots. All I knew about wine was that it costs too much to get the job done.
Waiters and waitresses wore black pants and long sleeved black shirts. Each person knew how to froth milk perfectly with the Wega Pegaso Espresso machine. My two nights actually on the dining room floor was one big party foul as I poured some cork out along with the wine during the tasting, forgot orders, and messed up lattes. Funny looking back, but definitely not funny then.
At first glance, confusing or even chaotic situations are most undesirable. More than anything else, they’re uncomfortable and inconvenient. You’re sweating, freaking out, trying to keep track of 10,000 things at the same time. Yet, in those moments when the mind is occupied trying to make sense of everything, that’s when the opening is the greatest for the truth and clarity of a situation to be released or taken in.
The mind is overpowering in its effort to make sense of things. “My phone doesn’t ring on vibrate anymore. It’s gotta be the new case i bought.” Or a more pop culture reference, “Who the hell are Randy, Mary J. and Simon?! They don’t know jack about singing! If Paula was here, she’d let’em know. Shoot, don’t they know I sound just like Seal. My friends told me they never heard anyone sing like me!”
If we ever go for something big in our lives, the road will be filled with times of confusion. There will be times where our whole picture and understanding of the world will be shattered. It leaves us vulnerable. It leaves us open. Part of our old self that didn’t work dies to make room for a new self that does, based on the vision we cultivate for our lives.
A Clear Path - Maldives, image courtesy of www.devianart.net
Nothing permanently blocks the path to clarity, when we don’t make the effort to avoid and resist confusion.
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Do What Makes You Happy, but What Makes You Happy?
We get pulled both ways.
Some say do what makes you happy, others say do what you “have to”, do the practical thing.
What’s the right answer? Maybe the first step is to realize that the answer won’t come from someone else. We can take all the advice in the world but at that most important moment, the decision is ours.
Chasing pleasure will never fill us the way experiencing joy will. Money, cars, nice things are great. In fact they’re awesome! But these are things that you “have”. And whether you have or have not, it all depends on what you do or don’t do.
But then again, what you do or don’t do is all based on who you “be”.
Are you chasing something you feel like you don’t have? It’s an illusion. You can have anything when you realize you are the source of its creation.
If you are the source of creation in everything in your life, will you choose to create things that make you happy, that bring you joy? Or will you choose to create situations and outcomes where you aren’t happy? You have more influence over a situation that you know.
Find that feeling of joy. Could everything at a specific moment fall away, and all there is is you and that feeling of fulfillment, happiness, and contentment? That is joy.
Figure out what gives you that, and that’s what you do.
6 Tips to Gauge The Quality of Advice
Great Advice
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t – Erica Jong
Advice and guidance start the day we’re born. Early on, advice and guidance to keep us safe, “Slow down. Come here. Eat Slowly. Be careful.” Later on, advice and guidance direct us to be more independent and empower us with certain core values to make decisions with.
Knowing the right advice can make all the difference. Yet, with everyone offering their two cents, who do we listen to? How do we decide? Here are some tips about taking advice that have worked well for me up to this point.
Listen to People That Really Care
This is one may seem obvious, but a lot of times, when we’re concerned with how we might look to others or impressing other people, we’re inclined veer off the course of a greatest progress and growth.
Sometimes, fear of being judged (by people who’s opinions shouldn’t hold so much weight) overpowers our intuition in knowing the advice we hear from loved ones is the right advice. Remember that what tastes like bitter medicine is being fed to you by someone who cares about or loves you, wants to see you strong, and wants to see you win!
Who’s Got the Fruit on the Tree?
If I had the opportunity to take golfing lessons from my next door neighbor or from Tiger Woods, I would definitely go with Tiger and listen to whatever he tells me. Not to say that advice from my next door neighbor isn’t credible. It would absolutely be enough if all I wanted was to play at the municipal golf course for the rest of my life.
But if I was striving to be a world class golfer, my neighbor’s advice simply wouldn’t cut it. A coach can only coach you to their level of consciousness, awareness, and skill. Anything beyond that, it’s important to look for a coach or mentor. They’re more practiced at producing the desirable you want and they understand the process required to get there.
Relationships
What is the quality of the relationships that the advice giver has with the most important people in his/her life? Also, what is their role in the quality of the relationship?
In a time when the constant bombardment of media and culture has shifted focus towards drama, money, instant gratification, and the insatiable accumulation stuff, the importance of rich and fulfilling relationships is often forgotten.
Although advice might be valuable, relevant, and come with the best intent, the quality of the relationships a person has, can provide great clues to help you take the advice and create the results that you want in your life.
Observe and Adjust
My friend and mentor told me once that success and creation happen in approximation. For instance, if a rocket wants to travel to the moon, it doesn’t take a completely straight path there. It travels, veers a little off course, corrects, then veers a little off course and corrects. This forward motions and approximation continues until the rocket actually reaches the moon.
In the same way, The ideal vision we have for our lives is the target we are shooting for.  We take advice and use it to guide us back towards our target when we veer off course.
Books
Read! Start of with things that interests you. This leads to interest in different topics. Having interests in different topics allows us to draw connections between things. Seeing these connections allow us to understand the principles that govern the nature of how things work. Ultimately, when we begin to know the process of things, we become empowered to create the kind of life we want.
Spirituality
Find a spiritual practice that resonates strongly with you as truth. It’s not about just having blind faith in something. Make sure that it’s based on common sense, intelligence, faith and truth in a way that inspires you. Like love, the highest essence of who you are will know.
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